Victor Frankl (d.1997) was a professor of Neurology and Psychiatry, survivor of three years in concentration camps and author of many books. In 1946, he wrote, in his awesome, challenging short book Man’s Search for Meaning:

“No-one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him.”

As I read in today’s papers of yet another person whose crimes earn them the title “Monster”, I feel deeply uncomfortable with this labelling. The crimes committed in this and many cases are indeed monstrous and I would have no argument with a headline identifying the perpetrator as guilty of “monstrous crimes”.

But I hate our tendency to label people, including defining them by their crimes. In our own petty way we all do this. We define people by some action, or lack of, that has hurt us. When we’re asked about someone, we come up with the same story of betrayal or example of their arrogance or something about the way they look.

Of course, it works the other way too – sometimes! We define someone by the way they have blessed us. And we won’t hear a word against them.

While the second instance is less damaging usually, both ways of labelling are superficial and not the way of love. They are both ‘easy’ and allow us to categorise a person without engaging at any depth. The way of love seeks to know. Love listens, remains open, learns. Labelling people makes us blind to the reality of who they are. Enables us to hate because we have refused to see their humanity and all that connects us to them.

Labelling people is also ‘easy’ because it often allows us to avoid the question – why is so-and-so like that? What’s the history that led to such cruelty? Why do some nations/peoples/religions hate us or hate our way of life? What did I do or say to provoke that reaction?

We can learn from how other people see us. In fact, we NEED to learn from how other people see us. They might be prejudiced and mistaken, but we might be just as prejudiced and mistaken. Seeing through their eyes, like walking in their shoes, will give us new perspective.

The Irish comedian Dave Allen once said on TV that people referred to him as the man with half a finger. Then he lifted up his hands to show the audience and said – I am not the man with ½ a finger, I am the man with 9 ½ fingers!

We might think of an iceberg which has only about 10% of it visible above water.

There is so much more to us than any label.

In the Jewish/Christian tradition (and probably in every mainstream faith) we are called to love our neighbours. And Jesus highlighted, in the parable of the Good Samaritan, that we are especially called to love those who are different from us and/or our enemies. It’s a tall order. But it surely begins with a refusal to label and a willingness to get to know, to learn, to understand other people better.

Actually, it probably begins with ourselves. The command, from Jesus, was to love our neighbour as ourselves. An even taller order! But maybe the first labelling we need to avoid is self-labelling. “I’m just ____.” “I’m always _____.” “I could never ____.” “I’m not good enough/clever enough ..” Many of the things we say to ourselves are not true. But even when they are, they do not define us now, or chain us to the present. We can learn, move on, change.

In the Old Testament, and in Jewish understanding, there is so much more to knowing than what is stored in our brains. Knowledge and understanding are virtual synonyms and both need to be, in some sense, experienced to be true. To the Christian, knowing God is eternal life. It is a relationship, a journey of growing to know. And growing to love and discover we are loved.

Loving and knowing are two sides of the same coin. Uncomfortable, costly, essential. A matter of life or death.